Cursed by the Wolf
by xxDaFreakyNickNameGangxx
Summary: (PG 13 to be safe... as well xD Not nearly finished, so dun freak)
1. Memories

_**CURSE OF THE WOLF**_

_**By: Fluffy IN xxDaFreakyNickNameGangxx**_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Remus, Sirius, James, Petter—any of the Harry Potter Characters. They belong to J.K.Rowling. A few of these Characters are my Friends RP Characters, and Tod Copper (You'll see him later on) and Tala Wolfe are most defiantly mine. You cannot have them!

**Summary:** How does Remus really feel? What does his 'condition' really mean to him? Remus realizes his friends are the most important thing to have in Hogwarts. Sirius begins to Understand more clearly on the pain that Remus has to go through.

**A few notes to read:** NOT slash. Heh. Sorry Slash lovers, although some perverted minds may see it that way—sorry. Just good friends, I'm sure we all have 'em.

_It was dark. So very dark it sent chills up any ones spine that even had the guts to come out in such dark of the night. A chilly breeze blew by rustling the tree's swaying back and fourth form the spot their roots dug deep into the firm earth. They creaked eerily as the wind blew by, making a rocking noise that would usually be comfortable of wood creaking stably in the earth... but the sound had a new ring to it. Fear. The grass, being loyal to the tree's followed their lead. Swaying in the same motion, same rhythm, and same objective. Fear. The wind, causing the whole fearful setting howled through the wind to make Goosebumps run up your spine and down to your toes. The sounds of the howling wind entwined with the sounds of the creaking wood.. The rustling grass. Besides this horrid themed song that nature provided was no sound what so ever. No sound unless you listened. No sound, except for the shallow ragged breathing of a young boy. Why would one so young be out in this setting you may ask? He didn't even know. But his father did._

_The boy looked up into his father's handsome face in fear. What was going on? What had interrupted their wonderful camping trip that had just begun only hours ago? What was he afraid of? Looking into his fathers face, he usually saw confidence, bravery, and he knew that nothing wrong would ever happen while his father stood by him, protected him. His father was his hero, his one person he could look up to and know he would be safe while he was with him. Yet... there was a change here. His eyes widened as he looked into his fathers eyes. No longer confidence or bravery, but his eyes glinted with fear and caution, his hands, they trembled while he held a long pure silver bar in them. What was that for any way? His father no longer held an elegant stance of power or muscle, but he looked almost.. Cowardly! What was this? If father was scared... there was no hope. This made the boy feel worse at his father's reactions to nothing but a long howl in the distance. Probably just a wolf... not that bad. But daddy seemed to see beyond just a wild wolf around. He knew something the boy didn't._

"_Daddy? What is it?" The young boy asked sleepily yet fearfully. His hands shook as he spoke; his voice trembled as he asked this one simple question. Simple yes... but it seemed as if it was the hardest question on earth. Not to answer, but to understand. For the father was not giving a clear answer at all. In fact, it wasn't an answer; it was an order it seemed._

"_Quiet Son!" he said in an urgent whisper, eyes darting around back and fourth in the bushes. It sounded more of a plea then an order that scared this boy at his father showing weakness even to him. What was he looking for? Nothing hid in the bushes... or did they? Hot salty tears stung at the boys golden honey colored eyes as he blinked back some of the tears in his way._

"_Dad! What is it!" he started to whine. This was getting to hard. To suspenseful, and his father... afraid this way, he couldn't take it any longer._

_His father ignored him completely as he flinched at a rustle in the bushes. He took this as his queue and set off, calling back behind his shoulder._

"_Remus, stay here! Daddy will be back soon I promise!" he called and disappeared in the shadows_

_Ah yes ladies and gentlemen. This young boy was Remus Lupin. Never heard of him? You shouldn't. Besides.. Who would want to know a monster? 'Monster?' you may ask. Surely he does not look like a monster, and in this part, he is not. Well, this is how Remus felt as well, how to be abused.. How to feel unwanted, and grew up thinking he was a killer... the truth was.. That 'is' what he would become... a killer._

_Remus loyally nodded to his father although he tried with all his might to stay back, watching his father disappear and he was left there... standing on the soft grass, listening to those creaking tree's, to the wind howling, and the full moon shining above him so innocently. He looked up at the moon. It was so... so beautiful. He was curious on what the dark side of the moon looked like.. Curious on how something could have such beauty. The silvery halo around the moon, shedding its light on the earth, making the leafy green grass a silvery blue. His light brown hair a silver and the lake near by, rippling as a single fish silver scaled swam by, glowed silver blue. He thought, this place showed so much beauty when the moon was here. It showed s new light to the eerie setting in front of him. Little did he know, that this was the last time he would look at the moon through human eyes, and enjoy, appreciate the power of the moon._

_As he suddenly began to relax, he noticed later on that he had been waiting a while and there was no sign of his father.. Or anything else, just silence. He began to get worried on what had happened to him... or where he had gotten. He was just about to give up and look for him when a long howl filled the sky. Remus froze. Not in fear, but it seemed the howl made him almost paralyzed. It was so close... He froze, but when the noise the brought him back to life. The sound that he had never heard before, but yet he knew what it was. It was a loud shriek, a mans scream_

"_Daddy!?" he called. He knew that was his father, but he couldn't stand it. That scream had the loud pang of weakness, of pain; he knew that was a very very bad sign. He then got pulled away from his father's orders and ran after him. He was running as fast as he ever had in his life until two large pairs of yellowing fangs rested in front of him. He looked up to see a large beastly figure of what seemed a wolf with graying hair. He began to run, but the wolf pounced, and then-- _

Moonlight streamed in through the great-bordered windows that were bringing dim light to the great castle known as Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Little pieces of dust flew in the air, eliminated by the light, it looked like miniscule fairies were floating the the moonlight as it sent a silvery glow over the common room. Every thing was a silver blue themed scene, made by the moon. One of the large bordered windows let a rather large stream of silvery blue moonlight in on the boy's section of the Gryffindore common room. The sounds of soft sleep breathing of many boys in the common room were heard, along with loud snores from most. It seemed every occupant in the room seemed to be having a peaceful slumber. Ahem! Were you listening? I said it 'Seemed'! Obviously 'Seem' or "seemed" Does not state a fact... Anyways... Yes, every thing 'seemed' peaceful. But things were usually not what they seemed. One was defiantly not peaceful this one night. In one bed, were the snorts of disturbance near by. Face scrunched up in displeasure and breathing very heavily in fear, was a young 5h year Gryffindore, Remus Lupin.

Beads of sweat dripped down his head as he panted in his sleep. Something disturbing him. Something of his displeasure, something that brought him fear. But what? With a loud snort, the figure under the covers ripped the covers off of his bed and sat up, wide-eyed and fearful of something he dreamt. He wiped the sweat off his face, still panting slightly. He noticed that sweat wasn't the only thing on his face... but warm salty tears as well. He looked to the alarm clock to his left on the bed stand. It read 3:00 AM. Sighing he fell back to feel his head get saved by the pillow on his soft bed. His eyes, a golden honey color that glowed almost in the darkness, wide open and staring at the ceiling. He tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't. Staring at the ceiling, catching his breath, he was thinking on what he had just dreamed. That same dream... the same damn one that always came near the moon... Today was the full moon...When he had gotten the curse of the wolf. When he had got that one scar that changed his life. When a neighbor moved into his body... the wolf. He sighed, the dream replaying over and over in his head. The wolf, pouncing, feasting upon his arm. His fathers fear, then his scream. Big fangs.

"Go away!!!" came a raged voice from Remus. Many sleepy voices grumbled in confusion, or some just shouted back

"Oi! We're trying to sleep here!"

Petter next to him in the next bed snorted, rolled over and started to snore as loud as ever so more raged yells from the other boys were now Directed to Peter.

Remus ignored them and tried ignoring the dream again. Not working. He would never get back to sleep. He silently got up, took a look at his three sleeping friends. First, the messy black haired boy, hazel eyes closed. James... Oh Nice James. He always tried his best to comfort Remus or help him when he needed help. He looked to Sirius, who had obviously been disturbed by Peters snoring for he had a large pillow pressed against his head and one arm holding it down on his ear. Sirius.. He, always caring, yet the lead jokester in the group. So eager to do what he wanted... so hasty on his actions, yet he was a great friend. Peter, his friend, basically the same with Remus. He wouldn't be lying if he said he was closer to that rat then James or Sirius. The truth was, James and Sirius always were together, always loved each other like brothers, always together no matter where they were. Remus was usually in there with them wherever they were, but it was no lie that they cared for each other more then Remus. Three was a crowd... Sure they had accepted Him and Wormtail... but Sirius and James were always together, always partners when it came to pairs. Who was left? Wormtail and himself. Sure Wormtail was either a loyal tagalong, or a respectful stalker, but still, he was a marauder, and he cared for Wormtail like he was his life as well as James and Sirius did. That's what they al did, no matter their disabilities or abilities... They stuck with each other, always.

He sighed, pulling his honey golden eyes off his slumbering friends and turned his back to them and walked off, eyes closed, head down and thinking why they had chosen him as a friend? What had caused them to think he was so special? He felt guilty, that they had chosen him as a friend when they didn't know what he was... what had cursed him. What lived deep inside of him? Before they knew that he was a

Werewolf.

. Yes, you heard me right, a werewolf. 'Oh cool!' some of you may say. Pffft! Have you ever been one before? No. You have no idea, and if your lucky you wont have an idea, for you don't want one. How would it be, to suffer every month, by letting out a wild beast that is feared by all, and that some think have no feelings and are just wild man eating killers? Bad. But you don't know the half of it. It's more then bad. Its bad beyond words. It was horrible, the feeling of your bones changing into ones of a beast, an animal. A wolf. To feel suddenly that you were lost in another ones body, and then to taste the coppery tangy flavor of the red liquid of life, blood, from another magnificent creature. And then, to wake to find you have dried blood from another being on your torn ripped up clothes, and then to find your reflection staring back at you with 'guilty' written all over it from the dried blood plastered to you face, and the feeling of nausea rising up your chest, to throw up every morning to find out what you'd eaten. It was horrible. Think differently about being a werewolf now? I hope so...

He gulped down the nausea in the throat with great difficulty and a few hacking coughs as he pulled on his pitch-black robes wearing the Gryffindor lion standing bravely in gold and scarlet. He looked at the fierce lion, on its hindquarters, rearing, and mane obviously tossing as it bared its teeth to show its bravery a while. He didn't deserve the bold figure of the lion on his robes. He was the most cowardly person he knew. He didn't deserve this house. Heck, he didn't deserve to be in this school! Having the chance of running off and snacking on a first year, knawing on the bones of a student or teacher, Werewolves weren't meant at Hogwarts... why was Dumbledore so foolish not to realize that? But he accepted him anyways... why? So many of his species were out there, and they didn't have a wizarding school to attend to, for they were in fear of them... but Dumbledore accepted him... why?

He sighed, seeing that this was going nowhere. He could feel guilty after his leave from Hogwarts. Sighing, he decided to take a walk out side on the grounds. Walking down the steps of the stairs, he thought... why him? Why did a simple first camping trip have to result to this? He could have been a normal boy... he could have lived a normal life, away from this wolf that teared at his feelings inside of him. Away from this curse... away from the moons spell that binded him to live with this beast. He would rather die. What was holding him back anyways? Who would care if he died? Who would care if he had killed himself? People would probably be joyous he would of dyed, not to be afraid of their children going to a school that had the beastly shadow of a wolf lurking inside this boy's body at Hogwarts. And he would be happy too. He would be happy he wouldn't have to live with the suffering he had done every month for ten years, and what made him feel worse, was that he'd most likely live fifty or sixty more years bearing this curse. His life could only go down hill from here. His time at Hogwarts would probably be called heaven compared to what would happen when he would grow older. But yet...dying was the easy was out. Living would show bravery of carrying this curse... but yet, as he would live, others would die because of him... he didn't know what was right form wrong any more. So confusing, so painful. Nothing was holding him back from dying... but his four best friends. They would kill them selves if he died... but yet, why would they anyways? Why did they... care? What did they see that was special in him? He was just a monster...

Before he knew it, he found himself leaning against his favorite tree outside with out knowing. He felt the solid wood holding his weight as he leaned there in thought and depression. It creaked as the wind blew by making it sway in the wind that carried the secrets of nature and change. Change... Yes, it seemed that every thing had to change... everything changed, it was impossible to have anything that couldn't change, for it always did. Hell he did every month. Yes, you could tell he was angry now, cursing in his head. Well, saying 'bad words' didn't mater any more. He was 15! Old enough to say what he wanted. Not allowed to say bad words were kid stuff. Why were they so afraid of saying words? Parents telling them probably a monster would come to get them if they said them... Heck, he never believed that. Once he found out that there was no monster. No wait.. He WAS the monster, and no monster would come as long as he was there. The only monster that showed when he did something he was told not to do was himself. Even monsters cowered in front of him.

He sighed. He should have never gone camping with his father. Thought it would be fun and convinced his dad to go... Should have never gone! Suddenly, he found himself drifting into that memory as well. That one, simple camping trip...

"_Camping is fun!" came a small voice from a young Remus happily as he walked around with his father, inspecting the tent that they had worked so hard on to set up. The temperature was warm and comfortable. The sky was an orange hot pink as the sun was setting. The noises of geese honked above as they headed in their flock to land for the night._

"_Huh Daddy? Isn't it fun!" he repeated, excitement and happiness in the young ones eyes as he stared up at his brave father with happiness and confidence._

"_Yes Rem. Nice to get outside once in a while in the fresh air." He smiled and watched his son scurrying around playing with fastnating bugs and creatures that loomed out in the wilderness, that his boy had never laid eyes on before._

_Remus let out a gasp in pain as a mosquito bit his arm and he swatted it and looked proud at his victory of killing a bug, but fear was in his eyes as he looked around the dark scenery._

"_Its getting dark Daddy" he whimpered looking around in the dark._

"_Yes it is" his father sighed and pulled out his wand form his pocket "We should light a fire" Pointing his wand at a large pile of sticks, he muttered a few words, and flames shot out of his wand easily and spread upon the fire with ease. Remus watched in awe at his father working magic with his elegant looking wand that shot out the flames so easily. _

"_Will I ever have a wand dad?" he asked not taking his eyes off the wand. His father laughed and looked down at his son proudly._

"_If you don't, I'm a flobberworm!" his father laughed. Remus looked a bit confused at this, but laughed because his father did. He then got the guts to ask. _

"_What 'is' a flobberworm?" he asked sheepishly. His father, who was watching the wonderful sky change form an orange to a pink color turned back to his son and smiled that he did not know some of the wizarding things yet._

"_Oh, Rem. Its just a magical creature... although I don't see why its considered 'magical' seeing that it has nothing that's special in that way" he sighed "Well, you know what a worm if of course" he said. Remus nodded "That's all you need to know" his father laughed and tended the fire once more._

_Remus still confused just shook it off and asked "What other creatures like a flurberworm are there?" he asked saying flobberworm wrong and with great difficulty. His father took the question and thought a while. _

"_Many many son... I cannot name them all. But I can tell you some. Well, Hippogriffs, Grydilows, Hinkypunks... Griffins, Blast Ended Screwits... Werewolves—"_

"_Werewolves?" interrupted Remus "What are they like?" he asked now sitting down getting tired of standing._

"_Oh... very dangerous they are. They live off the human, live inside their mind; it's like sharing your self with an animal. They are heard and seen to kill everything they see. No feelings, like a wolf, but are not afraid of any thing that could seem a threat to it so just goes and attacks. But they only come out of the human on full moons, and the human stays inside its body... on regular days, the people... Are just plain people... it must be depressing for them though. I can almost imagine..." his father trailed off in sympathy. Remus though seemed rather impressed._

"_They sound pretty cool!" he cried in excitement. His father gave him a glare with a look of knowledge that Remus had not learned yet._

"_You may think so son. But we don't know, seeing we are not in their shoes, and we can only pray we do not end up in their shoes... "He said looking rather sad. Remus though didn't pay attention._

"_Hey, dad. Isn't tonight a full moon? I hope we can see one!" he said happily. His father choked on a drink he was taking a sip on and spat it out._

"_Bloody hel—heck" he corrected about being in front of a little one "Don't say that! You see one tonight, chances of us living are slim! Don't go off making wishes you have no idea what the consequences may be. Wishing for a werewolf is like having a vampire for a sleep over." His father said rather annoyed and fearful that his son had brought the full moon up._

"_Merlin's beard! Look at the time! Bed time for you Rem!" he said and with a grunt got up and took his sons hand to drag him in the tent with him. The sun finally set and the moon began to rise as father and sun disappeared into their tent, and you could have sworn you heard a small voice mumble _

"_Aw man..." and every thing began quiet and got dark as the lantern in the tent that kept it looking a glowing yellow turned off, and all went quiet except for the lullaby of the crickets and the wind... _

Tears in his eyes, he snapped away form he painful memory inside his head that was jerking tears. He sighed and holding his head, sank down the trunk of the tree to a sitting stance against the tree, covering his head in confusion. It was till dark outside, and the moon still shown over him. As he looked up, he stared at the moon. His pupils f the eyes shrank as he stared at the light. He was surprised at this. This was the longest he'd stared at the moon with no fear or flinching. The silvery color almost hypnotized his beast side to run off and eat the bird not to far away, so quickly jerked his head back down seeing that staring at the moon wasn't such a good idea. He looked around. There was still some snow lying on the ground near him. He stuck his hand in a small pile of melting snow and shivered as the coldness traveled up his spine. Suddenly, feeling horrible from his wolf wanting to kill, and nausea rising in his chest and his sick pale colored face looked sicker and more tired as deep-circled eyes widened in coking back the nausea rising up his throat. He quickly dug his hand in the snow to stuff it in his mouth, and crunch it with a few coughs, the sting of ice hurting his teeth and throat, and swallowed it. It made his sick feeling better, and it quenched his thirst. He gulped it down and his throat felt sore, but he didn't care anymore. He didn't care what he felt; he didn't care about anything anymore.

_((What do you think? Er, may not be that good. I'll put up the next chapter. I have a few done. Please review, thanks!_

_From, _

_Fluffy ))_


	2. Thinking

**Thinking...**

That was it... he didn't care...

His eyes started to close, feeling tiredness sweep over him. His eyes feeling like heavy weights. Quickly, he snapped out of it by remembering the dream. He was too scared to sleep, afraid he would relive that experience again... or worse... afraid his dream actually continued form where it left off. No, this wasn't just a nightmare that was a real thing that had happened in his life, how he got his bite. And it didn't end there where it was peaceful and silent... it got worse... He was thankful he woke up then before he got to the worst part. Remembering the excruciating pain after the wolf had bit him, and then... no, don't think of it now...

Making a very hard effort to forget the rest of the experience that had not been in his dreams, he finally over came it, and forgot it for then when he saw a dark figure stalking the grounds. Slick greasy black hair and a large pointed nose, head bent down and posture outrageous, he could only relate this figure to Severus. Ah yes... little Snivelly, no time to bother with him. Sighing, he plopped his head back on the trees and took in a deep breath, hoping Snape hadn't seen him. Fortunately, he didn't, but it turned out to be bad, because he was stalking right towards him. Remus, didn't notice, and closed his eyes just trying to take his mind off things but kept seeing the same horrible experience he dwelled over. His mind slowly drifting off to sleep... to nothing.. Where he could stay away from the bad memories, away from pain, inside his head. But he wasn't alone. Sitting there, in the darkness was a light brown grey colored wolf, just laying there, eyes closed and crania rested on paws in slumber. But yet its teeth were bared. Its ears were pinned back, it hungered freedom instead of slumber. And it would get its wish tonight and he knew it, for he was getting exited and Remus could feel it. He just wanted time alone in his head, let there be silence... but when this 'wolf' slept in his mind, he was never alone.

"Lupin..." came a cold sneering voice.

Suddenly, realizing his mistake at almost drifting off to sleep and forgetting an enemy was on grounds, his eyes snapped open immediately, eyes almost crackling like a candle flame burning in his eyes with hate as he looked who was just inches away from him wearing one of the coldest smiles that he'd ever seen.

Severus Snape.

"Get away from me" Remus snarled at him. Snape's face curled into a wider colder smile, greasy long nose giving him the look like he was an eagle that caught its prey. And it was like that, His enemy catching Remus in his state of weakness and depression. Snape gave a slight cold laugh.

"Why out here so early Lupin? Wanted a little walk--" he smiled coldly

"Under the moon?"

Curse him. He knew. He knew for a while now. All Sirius's fault. He was angry as ever with Sirius at that, and still wasn't completely over it, but they had gotten a bit over the incident... although, he never trusted Sirius as he had before again.

"Leave me be Severus" he said trying hold on his anger and not explode, that would only show weakness, but he knew that the wolf he had just visited in his mind was now wide awake and staring out of Remus's eyes, wanting to pounce, but held back by Remus's mind acting like chain holding the wolf back.

"Oh... sorry to bother the big bad wolf" he sneered. Remus couldn't take it any more; he had to get away form this. The sun was now rising slightly, shedding a dim light over the grounds, bathing it in a yellow shine, the silver blue gone.

He didn't even have to get up. Snape was so close; his large hooked nose only inches away, taunting him with an evil smile. All he had to do was stretch out his arms and grab the collar of his robes and do what he wanted to do with him. And that's what he did. He reached out, took a firm hold on his robes that bared the sly snake, hissing at him and wearing almost a smile. This represented nothing but foolishness Remus thought. He pulled Severus up to his face so they were only two or three inches apart. He almost roared with rage, but instead gave a slight smile in satisfaction that turned into an expression of anger, teeth barred like a wild animal. This wasn't Remus.. As Severus could plainly see, the usual flame that flickered in those honey golden eyes died out, and now the eyes staring at him with the utmost hate and fury, were a tawny orange gold like color, the pupils slanted slightly and very small, these eyes were not Remus's eyes, but the wolf. Severus could of taken a good guess that that was what happened. He wasn't even that stupid, for when Remus's eyes came back and a puzzled expression on Remus's face as he saw himself gripping Snape by the collar and was up in his face, let his grip slip slightly, and Snape got as quickly away from him as possible, straightening his robes and sneering as he walked off (Quite shaken to Remus's Surprise).

* * *

Feeling horrible he watched Snape leave, holding his head in embarrassment and shame.

He closed his eyes, and found himself in darkness, in his mind, but the wolf lay there, not in slumber, but wide-awake, just... laying there. Eyes crackling with energy and fiery violence burned in his eyes. He just stared into the darkness, nothingness, like a stuffed animal until Remus came close enough. It didn't move a muscle except for his eyes that followed Remus like prey as he walked towards him. Remus was watching the wolf... he was just... Lying there! A bored expression on his face! Just.. Sitting? Why didn't he suffer as Remus did and does currently? He watched the wolf just sitting there. It was his. Just sitting there in his mind. The wolf looked back, its eyes glazed over and bored. But it held its head high and looked elegant and important, until it opened its jowls lazily, squinted his eyes and gave a long yawn that turned into a whine and laid his head on his paws boredly. This Irked Remus. He then said irritated to the wolf

"Why do you just... sit there?" he asked annoyed. The wolf just cocked his head to a side and watched him with little interest.

"Why don't you... suffer? I have to suffer having you live inside me... and you sit here...bored!?" he asked outraged.

The wolf just gave him a look like Remus was worth less then what a cat had coughed up.

"Why cant you.. Talk..." he said the last part softly and small when he realized wolves didn't talk. Duh. Getting so mad he was talking to a wolf... but that wasn't a wolf... that was himself, only his wolf side, sitting bored while he awaited the full moon. Remus must have stayed in that same spot the wolf was in while he roamed free. But yet, this mutt was the one causing all his troubles... why did he have to pay for every thing the wolf side did? Why was this separate creature 'his' responsibility?

The light tan colored wolf sat up, shook his crania, silky glossy fur bristled as he got up ands walked over to Remus. Obviously it had had enough complaints of Remus, and didn't want him in his space. He snarled, but Remus didn't flinch or cower, he just stared into its eyes, like two wolves staring each other down as if deciding who was Alpha.

Remus didn't move. He stood his ground as the wolf tried to frighten him off, as if Remus was prey.

"Not going to work." He sighed watching the fresh attempts to scare Remus off, seeing that the wolf didn't recognize Remus at all. It snarled and bared its teeth at him, but Remus kept still, just not caring what the wolf tried to do.

"Why... why did you choose me? Why do I have to keep you here?" he asked himself aloud. The wolf just gave a snort and sat down next to him, giving up. Remus sat down too. So there they were. Him sitting with his own self, and obviously the two hated each other form glaring daggers at each other. Finally Remus stood up and watched the wolf pace in and out in the darkness, wanting to get out and kill

"Just wait... Tonight is your time; give me a bit of freedom from you. Why do you have to stay here? Why can't you just live like a normal wolf? What's the problem with letting me set my eyes on the full moon as a human, and enjoy it?" he snarled, almost meeting the same cruel noise as the wolf beside him. The wolf just whirled around at being yelled at and looked quite calm. It opened its tan maw to say

"Because I would starve..." in a growling raspy voice, yet it was smooth, but had a deep snarl in these words.

* * *

_((oohh, creepy, a talking wooolllff.... xD Sorry, couldnt resist. Chapter seems a bit boring. Review! Thanks!_

_From:_

_ Fluffy ))_


	3. The Wolf called Moony

**The Wolf**

Remus quite surprised at a wolf, talking to him, and answering back, realized once more this wasn't just a wolf... but that was himself, and he could talk. Or was he just imagining this?

"Wha—Why didn't you talk before?" he asked slightly surprised and angry.

"It was not my place to talk, seeing I had no answer," he growled. Remus just got red.

"Are you just meant to pester me?" he snarled. The wolf didn't answer. He acted as if he never had talked before, but looked at Remus wisely, but confused he was still talking to him. Remus watched with complete confusion, not knowing what to say, do, or think any more. He waited a while in silence. There was no noise except the click clacking of hard claws from the wolf hitting an unknown surface. It was too silent... too boring. Nothing laid here, nothing to do, nothing to think. It was nothing here. Suddenly, he said aloud, supposedly talking to the wolf, although not knowing if he really could talk or not.

"Don't you ever... get frustrated living like this?" he asked.

The wolf just gave him a sad look as if to say yes, but didn't say so. Remus sighed frustrated. It was this wolf that had ruined his life, this wolf, which made him who he is... Remus was the one to be pitied because of the wolf, but he found himself actually pitying the wolf because of his boring self!

Before he could say or do anything, a loud crack and a boom shook him up and made him flinch. The wolf tossed his crania back and let out a howl of surprise and anger.

* * *

Before he knew it, his eyes snapped open to find himself sliding to the left of himself off of the supporting trunk he was leaning against. Putting his hand down instinctively, slightly scratching his palm on the ground to catch himself, he looked up to see that the noise had been thunder, and it was raining on him. From being snowing a few days ago, and the atmosphere being very cold, the rain came down like sharp icy cold needles hitting his back. What surprised him was that he didn't even move. The rain kept pounding, but he kept staring. It frustrated him. He had finally gotten to see his wolf, be able to ask questions... try to figure more about he side he didn't know about, like knowing the dark side of the... moon.

He sighed. Looking up, seeing the needle like rain fall down and sting his face. Suddenly, it felt as though something itchy was pounding in his head, and then went tingling down to his nose, lifting a hand to his nose to find him in a sneezing fit. After about three sneezes, he decided, maybe it was about time he left before he got even sicker. He stood up, and slowly walked inside the castle, pushing the great oak doors open into the great hall, and then lean tiredly like he'd never woke up, against the stone wall, feeling the icy feeling of the stone on his back. It was that chilly he could feel the temperature with his thick robes one. He sighed. What to do next? He couldn't keep his mind off the depressing dream and the conversation with his wolf, and the bad images that he would see tonight, eating an innocent rabbit, or something horrible that would probably make his life harder to live with. There was the Library... but it as so early, it probably wasn't open...

Then, eyeing the silvery figure of Peeves warily float by in the distance cackling evilly, he decided to leave as quick as possible, not wanting to get ticked at peeves as well as he had with Snape. He sighed seeing nowhere else to go except to the common room. Trudging up the steps gloomily, getting glances from the paintings that hung on the stonewalls while he walked up to the common room. Occasionally getting comments on if he was feeling okay form his appearance. He didn't answer, leaving the worried paintings in the dust and making remarks about how rude he was.

He didn't really give a damn about the paintings anyways.

Then, getting to the fat lady, eyes underlined with deep circles and he looked tired and worn out. The fat lady gave a concerned look, but ignored it and continued her job.

"Password?" she boomed.

Remus sighed boredly and tiredly.

"Swedish Short Snout scales" he sighed having to repeat the obnoxious tongue twister every time he wanted to get to his own house.

The painting swung open leaving the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room.

He almost felt better as he entered, the fire, crackling and showing life and fiery confidence as it burned. The temperature was much more comfortable than outside. He looked around, noticing how lively the room was in scarlet and gold, so lively, and happy, unlike his mood which was grey, black and cold...

He was going to just walk right out seeing no one here, when he noticed how inviting the squishy plump scarlet couch looked right then. Right by the fire too... it was too much. He couldn't sleep all night, and he was feeling so horrible then, he just wanted to lie on the couch all weekend and lay there with no feeling and no trouble, but yet, that wouldn't happen. Legs getting tired form standing so long, he finally plopped down in the couch and his bones ached form sitting up and being so tired in the morning, and at the thought of the full moon making him feel uncomfortable on how it felt to change. He then sighed, looking into the fire, head leaned against a pillow. No one was in the common room; it was empty... just how he wanted it. No one... No one at all...

Except for the wolf, howling inside his head.

His eyes began to close, and his ears began to stop pounding from the howling that was going on in there and he actually felt peaceful unlike what he was just feeling seconds ago. Right when he was actually feeling like his life would turn around—

A Loud slam of the portrait door swung open and some one hopped I rather in a happy bouncy mood. How could some one feel so happy when Remus felt so horrible? He bolted up, his ears twitching in a wolf like way at the noise and he covered them at the loud appearance. Who else could it be but one of the most mischievous one he knew?

Sirius Black.

He waltzed in as if he owned the world and sighed looking rather happy indeed, a mischievous smirk stamped across his face that Remus took as the sign 'Busted' from doing something stupid or something Remus knew he could ask "What did you do now?" and get a foolish answer.

What was he doing out so early anyway? It must have been 4 AM!

He walked into the common room, not noticing Remus until he gave a rather loud cough as if to gain his attention. Sirius stopped his proud happy walk with the bounce in his step when he saw the very gloomy ill looking Remus just sitting there staring into the flames. Sirius knew this look... he knew what was on his mind. His mischievous smirk disappeared and replaced itself with a grim concerned face.

Remus ignored him completely, but looked half dead and hypnotized staring in the fire. Sirius gave him a pat on the shoulder, which brought Remus to life. He turned his head slowly to Sirius, eyes closed, but opened them as he looked at Sirius's startling icy blue eyes giving him intense attention, only to give three supporting words, or so he thought.

"Its okay Moony..."

What was that? No... it wasn't okay. Sirius didn't know how he felt. He felt outraged, annoyed at everything happening with his life. He couldn't help what came out of his mouth then. It wasn't just Sirius that ticked him off... it was everything that had happened to him. Every thing that he had to live with and still was living with.

"No..." he mumbled at first sadly and like a depressed child. Its okay? How did he know? He had no idea. Memories filled his head of the accident of Sirius playing a trick on Severus, he, practically killing him, only using Remus's dezies to advantage—No. No, he didn't understand!

"No! No Sirius it's not okay!!!" he shouted outraged. He was actually surprised at his sudden shout. He hadn't talked all day, and the first words were in anger? In hate of his own friend? He wished Sirius could of lived the way he had to live, to understand how he felt, how he lived, how hard it was. These words that came from Sirius's mouth were false. If only Sirius knew! If only he could switch places with one as happy as him, show him how his life was, how depressing, how painful.

"You have no idea what I feel! No idea how I live!!! How I think!!!" he shouted outraged. "WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH! WHAT I'M STILL GOING THROUGH!" he shouted, now hot tears stung at his eyes as he shouted this, but he didn't cry, that was the girly thing to do. He just sat there outraged at his whole life...

Sirius just stared with shock at this outburst. Groans and complaints were heard form the boys and girls in their dorm above. Sirius just opened his mouth stunned.

"Moony I—"He tried to say reaching for Remus's shoulder to pat him affectionately but Remus stood up.

"I... I'm gonna take a walk" he said weakly, voice trembling at his own outburst and behavior and leaving Sirius there with his hand sticking out to pat him, but now patting nothing as he watched Remus leave. Dark brown, almost black hair messy from probably just getting out of bed to go out and find some random girls to bother for the day. So Remus left him standing there like the idiot he was. As he left, He could have sworn he heard James walking over to Sirius and say -

  
"Oi, Padfoot, let him go..." as if he had heard the whole thing. He heard Peter rush after him and try to follow him calling his name and waddling as fast as he could to the portrait hole. As soon as he caught up and reached for him, Remus slammed the portrait shut in his face, not even realizing it. Every one had heard everything.

So what...

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((Ohhh, some one needs anger management-- er... sorry... Review. yay... None yet. Well, I DID just start. Hope you like it so far.))


	4. One less Marauder

**One less Marauder**

Walking down the steps, avoiding the one that was a trap hastily, almost steeping on it, he walked down the stone steps, footsteps echoing off the walls. His hands, trembling as he brought them up to his face. Why had he done that? Why did he feel this way? Sirius was his friend! Friends weren't meant to fight... only three words form his mouth had set him off... Just those three "Its okay Moony..." But it wasn't... and besides, he didn't want to be Moony any more. Moony was the wolf inside his head. Moony was the monster awaiting his release on the full moons. He wasn't moony... he was Remus.

Remus Lupin...

He sighed as he saw another flash of lightning, followed by a large rumble of thunder... but no, that wasn't thunder. A Pain in his stomach told him that it was his stomach craving food. Curse the moon. He could go all day with out breakfast, lunch, and some times with out dinner... but the moon was making him hungry at 4 in the morning. He supposed there would be food for the early birds. He sighed, making his way to the Great hall slowly, hoping the Sirius James or Peter just would leave him be and forget about him. Sure enough only a few people were in the Great hall. It was amazing it seemed like at least ten were there! It seemed three Gryffindors were at the table, perfect. He wanted to be alone...

Sitting down in a seat, he grabbed a plate and helped him self to just a plain simple piece of toast, his stomach too upset to be eating too much then, and his wolf, so hungry, it was making him feel like he just wanted to eat the Gryffindor not sitting to far away from him, which was making him rather nauseous every time he looked over to the student. He just nibbled on the toast and tried to block that feeling out. Finally, realizing the Gryffindore that he had the feeling to snack on just momentarily, he felt bad for his wolf ever feeling that way when he realized who it was.

It was Lily, his fellow Gryffindore Friend that he chatted with occasionally, and of course, James love, unfortunately for James... she didn't seem to love him back. They were good friends. Lily was defiantly a smart girl, yet always making sure the marauders weren't pranking or doing something stupid. Usually it was James and Sirius that really got it. Remus never got scolded that much, especially from Lily.. He gave a weak smile at her but then looked back down at his empty plate, littered with breadcrumbs. Lily gave Remus a puzzled look. Her Dark deep red hair neatly combed and her deep emerald eyes looking at Remus questioningly.

"Remus... You seem sad... Something wrong?" she asked sitting in a seat closer to him. Remus didn't give a straight answer. For some reason he felt calmer talking to a female... couldn't tell why, but it felt nice to talk to a girl instead of a shouting rivalry with Snape or Sirius who were boys of course... he spoke calmly yet sadly

"Yes... Every-- Every things wrong, Lily" he sighed looking down at his empty plate. He did not know why, but he felt as thought she had suffered in her past as he had... and he was thankful, for she did not ask any more questions at this, seeing he was depressed, but patted his back gently.

"Remus... I heard what happened up in the common room... I won't bother you with your problems... seeing that you were that depressed-- that angry that you had yelled at Sirius-- your best mate" she said kindly, but Remus just snapped back.

"He's not my best mate!" he snarled, but thought twice "Or...ugh... You know? I don't know any more... really I don't" he sighed in frustration. Lily didn't seem affected by his harsh words at first, but just acted calm. Yet, there was sadness in her eyes, as if she wanted to help, but she didn't do anything, And Remus realized why. He was blocking his mind to her... he was so angry, that the look in his eyes were beyond reason, and some how Lily must of seen that, and had not even tried with him. He slowly relaxed, but was still frightened... scared of his dream... scared of himself... of the monster living inside him. He slowly said

"I—I'm sorry Lily ... But I feel like-- I have to be alone right now..." he sighed. Lily nodding in understanding took her empty plate and left... leaving him alone. He was glad she hadn't taken anything the wrong way. But it was nice talking to a female friend once in depression and sadness... he didn't know why, but it calmed him, maybe because it wasn't like having boy to boy talks and you felt like cutting each others throat open like fighting for ranks... Girls weren't like that way, they just... seemed to take was was given most of the times. Now, don't take his theory the wrong way, girls were very competitive and full of energy and had much rivalry... but in this sense... it was nice to talk to some one opposite of him...

Sighing, he continued to chew the toast slowly and boredly in depression, to find that he realized eating the toast seemed to be like trying to swallow cardboard. He dropped it on his plate with a loud 'clink' as the stale bread hit the glass plate and he rested his elbow on the table and supported his head with his fist in thought... That damn dream coming back in his head... But that wasn't the worst part... the dream kept going. It got worse. It got more horrid when he actually saw—

His Father...

He was dead... but only, in the worst way that he couldn't even think. That he purposely had to block his mind from. The marauders asked if they could erase that memory... but he refused. Why? Well... he wanted to solve his problems himself. Find his own way to ignore the things he didn't like... and he wouldn't even think or deleting anything of his father in his brain. Not even that... yet he never tried to remember that horrible image... never. He didn't want to, and he would never want to. There for, he wasn't going to start thinking about it now.

Sighing, and his golden eyes with no life in them what so ever, stared at his plate bored. He had gotten mad at Sirius, and woke the whole Common room up at his yelling, all because Sirius was jus trying to make him feel better... It was Remus' fault, he shouldn't of lost his temper at Sirius, yet he wished Sirius could of known how it felt, or how he lived with his 'condition' maybe he would understand.

He sighed, staring at the toast that had suddenly tasted like cardboard to him and laid on the plate, just sitting there motionless. Remus' eyes closed in weariness of waking up so early, and with his face resting on his palm, dosed off in tiredness, yet woke up in fear once in a while, afraid to drift off to sleep, to dream again, until his brain won, and his eyes shut, and stayed shut...

* * *

((Er... now It's the Marauders PoV... mostly Sirius lol))

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the common room, many groggy voices sounded form the ruckus that just happened, and then, hearing the silence once more, most shuffled back into bed, seeing it was the weekend and there were no classes, so they could go back to sleep for hours. Or some woke up for an early breakfast and to stay outside a bit, doing homework or studying.

Although, three in the common room were sitting there, a bit petrified of what had just happened. A tall dark chocolate brown haired boy, sat in a chair by the fire as he had done before, dumbstruck, and a plump, blond haired boy standing by the portrait hole, rubbing his reddened face form getting it slammed into it, and a black messy haired boy standing by Sirius, silent and grim, his hazel eyes sad. They just stood there for a few minuets as they had done before, when there friend Remus had left them a bit stunned on his behavior.

Sirius, the dark chocolate haired boy gave a snort and said, as if trying to change the subject,

"Moony's a bit Moody eh?" He said shrugging, as if acting too cool for Remus, even though, the glint in his deep blue eyes showed concern all over it, he was defiantly caring for Remus. James gave a sigh,

"He's just... I don't know, he gets like that some times... I don't blame him, and you shouldn't either Padfoot." He said a bit grimly and soberly. Sirius looked offended,

"I'm not 'blaming' him! He just got a bit short with me! I was only trying to help!" he said desperately.

Peter recovering from the portrait slammed into his face by Remus' powerful slam in his face with anger, recovered a bit and said

"Well Sirius, haven't you learned by now that 'helping' just isn't your thing?"

Both James and Sirius scowled at Peter, who shrunk, even though surprisingly small already, but seemed to even more and said in a squeaky voice changing the subject,

"But James is right... Remus acts like that some times... once in a while."

"And once in a while isn't a coincidence... We all know what's wrong. It's today, isn't it?" James said looking to Sirius, who gave him a blank stare

"How should I know? I haven't checked... and Moony hasn't talked about it... lately" he said difficultly his eyes sparkled with concern. James sighed and gave him a stupid look.

"Could you maybe 'check' dear Padfoot?" he said as if Sirius was but a tiny child. Sirius, with a grumble, left the two marauders in the common room, as he trudged up sleepily to the boy's dorm to check a calendar.

"'Go check dear Padfoot?'" he mocked sleepily as he walked up the stairs, now entering the shared dorm with Remus, James, Peter and himself.

"Sure, I'll go check. Jeez, this can get annoying have a friend who's a w—"but stopped, realizing what he was saying, and especially when he laid eyes on the shared dorm. All the beds were made. Sirius wasn't usually so neat, neither Peter nor James, but they were all sloppily made. Remus was the neat one, but he was very surprised at the condition of Remus' usually clean bed and neatness in his corner.

The blankets were thrown all around, and the pillows, on the floor, everything messed up and twisted. It looked as if he had tossed and turned for quite a time in the bed, having a nightmare, or a fit. That was concerning, but what mostly surprised Sirius was that it wasn't even made! Remus, the neat one, usually took the liberty of making his bed as neat as possible, and some times doing the other marauders beds as well if they got so messy Remus couldn't stand it. But his bed was a mess! The pillows on the floor and scattered on his rumpled up bed sheets and blanket, twisted up and wrinkled, and a few feathers form his large fluffy pillows scattered the floor as well. Sirius gawked and muttered

"Jeez Remus... what's going on with you?" he said concerned and picked up a few duck feathers that littered the floor form his big fluffy pillows. Shaking his head in sadness and pain for his beloved friend, he wondered what 'was' wrong with Remus. He had been so mad at him, so mad at just trying to help... But then it hit him. He had tried to help because Remus was a bit gloomy on his 'situation' and yelled at him on how it felt not to understand. He was right though... he may know what does happen to Remus, or what he is, but he never really feels Remus' pain, or sees things his way, or thinks about things his way, for Remus always has a danger to deal with, n mater what, he has to take action. Sirius began to scare himself on how he imagined Remus could feel. Like he would have to live a nightmare, being a wolf every month and shudder, like a terribly dream, but only a dream come true... a dream come true that you wished hadn't.

Sirius' now had a slightly different opinion on how Remus felt, but he would never know how Remus felt or what he thought. What things haunted his past that they didn't know about? He had kept his Lycanthrope condition as a secret for ages, and finally let it out when they had only guessed, and hated himself for letting them find out! What other kinds of secrets did he have that he was hiding? What else dwelled in this boy's mind and feelings that none of them knew about? He wanted to know, to help... But Remus was so secretive, and defensive of his feelings... it seemed impossible to break the barrier that guarded others from Remus' personal thoughts or secrets, impossible. He was so secretive, so secure with what was his to deal with and what others should know, it was scary...

He wondered what happened to Remus to make him so upset, to toss and turn and make his bed a mess and leave it like that at 2 or 3 AM in the morning, and return just to snap at him? Sighing in wonder and so much concern for his friend, his eyes darkened with worry as he ran his hand through his thick chocolate brown hair, and heaved a sigh of difficulty, yet remembered why he was here.

Checking a calendar hanging on the wall, the marauders secretly used to plan pranks or special things to take notice of, he quickly scanned it, searching for today's date.

Pointer finger lightly touching the smooth cool paper as he slid it across the numbered pages, searching for the date, he muttered the things marked on some of them as he searched. Doing this naming numerous events, pranks, in other words as he searched

"Wednesday, make Snivelly trip onto Alyn in front of boyfriend... no." he muttered

"Thursday, Release Fire Crabs in magical creatures class...nope," he murmured.

"Saturday..."he said sighing stopping his finger on the date. Skipping Friday, for the prank was too priceless, he couldn't bare to read it. Unlike the sloppy handwriting of his own before stating the pranks, the handwriting was neat, and miniscule as if ashamed of being there. This was Remus' handwriting, and it read—

", Full moon" finished Sirius with a sigh and shook his head, eyes closed. He usually loved full moons to get out and run free, but he was feeling bad for Remus today.

Taking one look at the messy dorm, he realized how unorganized it looked when Remus' bed wasn't neat to at least make the room look a bit clean. As he turned his head and began to walk down the stairs, he saw James talking with Peter lightly, and James' head turned abruptly at his appearance and said with a smile

"Bloody hell Sirius what took you so long?" He said irritably, yet with a smile. Peter nodded in agreement. Sirius just shrugged

"Sorry... guess I got distracted" he sighed and stat down staring at the fire. He noticed two pairs of eyes staring at him as he stared, and felt awkward at this and turned looking puzzled.

"What?" he asked irritated.

"James laughed, "Don't 'What' us! Is it? Is it today?" he asked. Peter just chuckled at Sirius' forgetfulness as Sirius slapped his hand to his face

"Sorry, I've just been... thinking is all."

"You can think???" the two said in unison jokingly.

"Very funny" Sirius said sarcastically. "And yes."

"Yes to what?" he said wasting time indeed.

"Yes to both James you Literal!" he laughed. He was feeling better now, and he loved these times, joking and laughing together, yet he had the feeling something was missing...

Oh yeah... Remus.

Suddenly the room became quiet, and James sighed, Sirius knew why. James had always had pity for Remus and the time of the month, and Sirius was getting tired of his sighs of sadness. They had just been able to take the form of an animal the beginning of the year, and the routine of transforming with their werewolf companion when the full moon rose was working quite nicely, and they noticed Remus was defiantly showing signs of being much happier about his condition when his friends walked along the full moon nights as animals along with his beast.

The fire crackled innocently and the room was very silent except for the golden red and yellow orange blazing flames dancing innocently on the burning crisp that was once a strong thick healthy log. Outside, some flecks of snow began to fall. It was almost Christmas and in December, it was snowing and as cold as ever. Good thing they all had fur coats as their animals... poor peter though, they'd probably lose the rat in the large amounts of snow.' He'd just have to perch upon Prong's Antlers' Sirius thought boredly.

Suddenly, breaking the awkward silence, a large growl like rumble emitted loudly through the room. James head turned to Sirius who threw his hands up in surrender

"It wasn't me I swear!" he chuckled. They expected him to make the strange growling like noises, he loved to imitate a large dog and growl behind their backs, scaring them to jump to the ceiling... of course, this joke was getting old, yet James was still on to him. But it wasn't him this time.

An embarrassed Peter raised his hand slightly in the air.

"Sorry... it was my stomach, getting a bit hungry," he said clutching his stomach.

Sirius and James gave a chuckle, and James spoke up,

"It is getting near breakfast time... I think we could head down there, and maybe meet up with Remus, where is he anyways?" he asked. Sirius shrugged,

"Don't ask me." He sighed. James raised an eyebrow like last time he'd as Sirius to check the calendar. "Then why don't 'we' check?" he smiled and pulled out the Marauders map. A Yellowing Dog eared folded piece of paper, crinkly paper making an old unique sound. He unfolds it, took out his elegant want and recited clearly

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good."

The map revealed lines and the building of Hogwarts passageways and corridors, classrooms and more. Tiny black blotched of what seemed footprints walked along the dog-eared map of Hogwarts structure. Searching for the one they seeked, Pete raised his hand as if in a class saying

"Oh! Oh! Oooh!"

"What is it? You see him?" Sirius asked flatly. Peter pointed to the Great hall, and to a label, named

"Remus J. Lupin" Which wasn't moving... and by the looks of things—wasn't going anywhere soon.

"There's old Moony!" Sirius said cheerfully. "Looks like we can get a meal, and find our old pal! All right, marauders, back to mischief!" he said smiling that mischievous smile and they all headed off to the Great hall.

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((Okay, and here is where you'll have to wait. Im currently working on this Chapter. So, no more chapters for a while! Hope you like it! Oh, and if all these paragraphs seem a bit fustrating to read, Tell me, and I'll try and break it up. (I know it can be hard ot read long paragraphs. Just losses interest) Well, thanks! Bye for now!))


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